Bad day

Well, we both went to see the doctor today. She thinks Alan might have a thyroid problem. She understands and keeps emphasizing that his recovery from shingles will be very long and very slow, if ever. His immune system just will not support much improvement. So, he's on THE PATCH. No, not a nicotine patch, but a lydocain patch. I forget the exact name of it, but he's on it for 12 hours a day, then off it. It really does seem to help.

I, on the other, hand, am sliding DOWN the slippery slope that happens after age 60. She believes I'm have a "flare up" of fibromyalgia which cannot be controlled by the drugs I'm taking. It's out the realm of control that the drugs give me. So, I hurt, and I hurt bad. I mean, I feel like I fell off my bike and skinned my knees, but I feel like that all over my body, every bit of it. Every nerve end is stinging. Today is the worst I've been so far. I've been in tears most of the day (staying away from Alan because he gets very upset when I cry because I'm hurting).

So, now what do I do. I can't stand being an invalid. I enjoy doing things. Should I quit Creative Memories (again), or should I take a leave of absence. Should I bury my head in the ground and ignore everything, and just hope something better happens?

I pray. I pray. And, I pray. I ask that God will grant me relief -- and perhaps He is, maybe it would be worse if I weren't depending on Him to help me through this.

I know this is depressing to anyone reading it. But who knows about fibromyalgia anyway? I didn't until a few months ago. I mean I knew it existed, I just didn't know what it did to the body and what it felt like -- well I did know what it felt like, but I didn't know that I knew what it felt like because I didn't know I had it. Now I know what it feels like.

Other things happened today and I don't know whether I want to record them. Just to say, I'm not speaking to Alan for a while. All I wanted to do was go out to eat. He didn't. So, instead, I struggled through grocery shopping so I would have something to serve him for dinner, and for which he had to wait in the car while I shopped. 'Nuf said.