Debilitating disease

It was 2 p.m. and I was still in bed, just not able to move; and I was freezing, my teeth chattering, even though I had a space heater pumping heat on me. I was thinking about this disease I have. And, not arthritis which cropped up when I was a teenager and my fingers started showing signs of it. Probably too much piano practicing.

Actually there are two diseases that I put up with other than arthritis. They are obesity, which is something I don't understand, given what I eat. I do know when that started. I had Phil. I gained 30 pounds, lost 40. Had Becky. The doctors didn't care how much weight you gained, so I gained 50 pounds. Lost 10. Got pregnant with Cyndi, again the doctor didn't care what I gained. I gained 70 pounds. You see where I am? Up 110 pounds. I eventually lost 35 pounds after Cyndi, but haven't been below 175 since 1972. Try as I might, weight loss just doesn't happen. And I should weigh about 110-115 for my height.

Alan can go on the same diet as I, eat twice as much as I do, and lose 30 pounds. I lose 3. So I gave up on dieting, figuring that the first three letters of the word explained why I shouldn't bother. I'm going to die anyway, and I might as well enjoy what I do eat as long as I'm alive.

In recent years I've gone down to one meal a day. Yes, that's correct, one meal. Maybe a nibble at lunch time, like a piece of cheese, but that's about it. On rare occasions I'll nuke a small pizza, but dinner is the meal I eat. Always a huge salad with a lemon/balsamic/ minimal oil dressing. (no meat or cheese in the salad, only raw veggies) And then a piece of meat, which I rarely finish, and some kind of starchy vegetable or rice or pasta. So I'm obese. They say it's a disease. I wonder about that.

But my new disease -- diagnosed a year ago -- is growing by leaps and bounds. That is the effect of it are. I mean until the lyrica commercials who ever heard of fibromyalgia. Well, actually I had because when the Internet became part of my everyday life, I looked up my symptoms -- feeling like I had the flu all the time, the terrible pain I endured if anyone touched me or hugged me. The pain of laying in bed, even.

Well, my doctor, after I had had it, so to speak, gave me lyrica. It worked for a while, then I started getting flare ups, which I'm told I will have to endure for the rest of my life. Yippee.

Which brings me back to getting up at 2 p.m. today (and yesterday and the day before). I just don't want to move, movement is so painful, so I stay still, as still as I possibly can, because I guess I'm numb to certain pain points, but the burn that accompanies the disease doesn't go away. Burn as in I have a very, very bad sunburn including the chills and aches that accompany that type of burn.

I am grateful, however, that I have had days when I can hold my grandchildren without pain, days when people can hug me, without pain, but people are now asking if it's a good day for that (hugging), and I'm grateful that my dear husband is putting the dishes away that are in the dishwasher. And I'm grateful that I still laugh when I find the things he put away in the most illogical places I (me) could think of, but to him seem so very logical, like putting the salad spoon and fork in the knife drawer. Go figure.

The pain is waining and I'll be okay for several hours. In those few hours I'll get some things accomplished, which will make me feel like I'm worth more than just a blob on the face of the earth.

God is so good, He's so good to me. Praise his Holy name.

If you want to read something more uplifting, visit http://www.runnemederemembered.blogspot.com.


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