Ten pounds

Okay, so do Acai pills work? Well, I started taking them just before Memorial Day. Didn't get on the scale since then, and found out this morning that I had lost 10 pounds. So, I guess they do work. I'll keep taking them until the end of the month, when the "free" trial wears out, then I'll not take them any more -- I mean it costs about $70 a month for them -- too much moola.

Yes, they give me some pep, and I haven't needed an afternoon nap since I started taking them. And, I do sleep better at night, without the aid of that little blue pill.

Alan is getting weaker and he feels absolutely awful. The pain is wearing on him, I know. Been there, done that. However, I don't like the way he looks or sounds. He just sounds so pitiful. Pray for him, if you're reading this.

God is so good, all the time, and I thank Him for life and for the husband he gave me. I know at times it seems to others that I don't love him (my husband), but I do, and we do talk to each other in a way that others cannot understand and think is horrible. I complete his sentences. He completes mine, which is annoying to some folks.

I get angry with him when I hurt and he wants me to do something that he can do just as easily as I can. Like yesterday. I was finishing up clearing the dishes from dinner, was walking back to the bedroom to lay on my back and he asked me to bring him something from the kitchen which wasn't on my way to the bedroom. I looked -- rather I glared -- at him and told him to do it himself. Well, stubborn as he is, he just did without for the rest of the evening, which I knew he would.

I felt guilty, of course, but does he drop everything for me when I ask for something like ice or a blanket or something of that ilk when I'm flat on my back? No. And then I feel guilty for even asking him for help because I know how much it hurts him to walk even one step, let alone 10.

Guilt -- what a horrible thing -- yet it's something I have in my soul every day for the way I don't show my love for my husband, whom I do love so much. And then I rationalize why I didn't show that love for him all the time. For example, I hurt, he knows that, so let him do it himself. Instant guilt! Could you get me some ice -- when you get up, not before, and don't get up just to get me ice, but when you get up, get me some ice in my mug. Well, guilt sets in and I get up sooner than I wanted to and get him his ice. Now why couldn't he get up and get his own ice? I don't know. He hurts, I hurt, and in a contest of who hurts the most, I think it would probably be a tie, except that I have a higher tolerance for pain (being a woman) than he (being a man) does.

Enough venting.

Praise be to God that I still have a husband who needs me to get him ice even when I don't want to do it. God could have taken Alan to be with Him anytime in the past 43 years, but has allowed us to be together for that long, and I pray, much longer.

I got my papers from the pain institute and filled them out. Looks like I'm going to get some relief somehow. Although, I'm still not sure I want to go the epidural route, if that's what they suggest.

So, I guess, I need prayer from lots of folks and prayer for wisdom on what to do next.

ttfn